Ruminations

FOOLS: In an otherwise limp criticism of Wanda Sykes (BTW, has she ever been funny?) Mike Lupica wants you Rush Limbaugh listeners to know that you're mean-spirited. The search for an original insight from the Daily News's resident rabblerouser continues.

PROPS: Eminem valiantly trying to restart his career will take 200 laid off auto workers to see his performance on the Jimmy Kimmel program. In addition to losing their jobs, it seems that they may have also shed their dignity.

YOU'RE FIRED: First, it was Rick Waggoner, now it's David McKiernan. Joe Biden would be wise to keep looking over his shoulder.

THE OTHER SHOE: Little seems to be said about the State Department's role in securing Roxana Sabieri's release which suggests that they were quite involved. The New York Times helpfully spins a tale to the Administration's liking. We have seen the "quid" and time will indicate what the "quo" may turn out to be.

THE DODGER: Roger Clemens broke his silence to advertise, er, criticize a new unflattering book about him. He took the opportunity because he was going overseas on vacation next week. The key question -- does his travel destination have an extradition treaty with the United States?

LONG ARM: A sportswriter suggests a way for Manny Ramirez to make amends to his fans. I suggest he keeps the money. Lawyers to defend him from fraud charges won't come cheaply.

Ruminations

My biggest nightmare? Being trapped in a room with those pitchmen for The New York Times weekender subscription plan. The guy who is "fluent" in three sections scares me.

Those folks who sell Eight O'Clock Coffee are limiting the appeal of their product, right?

The Pro Bowl and the Grammys were held yesterday. The day when the nadirs for both the sports and cultural world collide. Quick -- who won what in 2007? I thought so.

Give credit where it's due: The New York Times has been steadfast on the unsuitability of Geithner and Daschle for Cabinet positions. Moreover, they have been a thorn in the side of Congressman-for-Life Charlie Rangel.

In grammar school, I had a friend pitch a dumb idea to the teacher. He almost had his head ripped off. Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid have Obama Barack pitching their stimulus plan. When it fails -- like my dumb idea -- who do you think's going to feel the heat from the voters?

Speaking of the stimulus plan, do you recall when you waited until the final weekend for that high school or college term paper? It was a rush job but you were OK with the "C" grade because, well, you didn't really apply yourself -- despite the fact that you had a month to get it done? I get that feeling with the "stimulus" proposal.

If I were Manny Ramirez, I'd be checking my investments about now. Why? Because the days of the million dolar plus incomes may have abruptly come to an end.

On a sad day, I sing a happy song and realize that I'm not Plaxico Burress.

On a really sad day, I sing a happier song and realize that I'm not Roger Clemens.

The Chump List - 2008

Here's a list of those who had to do 2008 all over again, they would:

10 Eddie Murphy. He's reportedly set to be The Riddler for the next Batman movie. Then riddle me this movie fan -- how can this once funny performer star in such dreadful movies? And we're not talking merely dreadful, we're talking legendarily dreadful. His most recent flick Meet Dave had bad reviews and even worse box office receipts.

9. Jeff Zucker. The solution when you cannot schedule 22 hours of compelling prime time programming? (Actually, 19 because Saturday is complete with reruns, er, make that "encore presentations.") Cut it down five hours by reliving the glory of the Merv Griffin era -- with five hours of Jay Leno a week. This may save the Peacock a buck or two but nobody wins by playing defense. It certainly does not help that that NBC's only Top Twenty show happens to be football.

8. Dick Fuld. It takes a special CEO to destroy a century old institution. It takes an exceptional CEO to look like a jerk defending his performance before a Congressional Committee. Add Dick Fuld to the lexicon of four letter words.

7. Isiah Thomas. It's one thing to be a poor coach. It doesn't help when you're an inept GM either -- you guarantee that even when you're gone -- the team will be awful. However, you're in a league of your own when you throw your daughter under the bus when you can't cope with your failures.

6. Chris Cox. I'm sure he's a nice guy but if there ever was a wrong man at the wrong place at the wrong time, it's been Chris Cox as head of the Securities and Exchange Commission in 2008.

5. Rosie O'Donnell. Her NBC variety show was a bigger bomb than an Air Force daisy cutter. First you have the talent. When the talent fades, you ramp up the shock value. When the shock value fades, you sadly become irrelevant. In medical circles this is known as Roseanne Barr Syndrome.

4. Elliot Spitzer. Some think that deep down inside, he never wanted to be governor. He ran for the job to please his demanding father and make something of himself. Therefore, he consorted with a prostitute to ensure his downfall. Me? I think he wanted to have sex with a hot (and totally vapid) chick.

3. Roger Clemens. There are few things more joyful than a bully getting his due. He got busted in the Mitchell Report big time. Of course, nobody his age, improves their game. You can certainly slow the deterioration but to get better? C'mon! So he goes to Congress to clear his name and only looks more foolish and then tosses Mrs. C. under the bus to save his own skin. He won't need caller ID to know that Cooperstown won't be calling. Somewhere, Mike Piazza is having a laugh.

2. John Edwards. If you're going to cheat on your wife, follow these rules. 1. Don't cheat with a hag. 2. Don't cheat when your wife is battling cancer (even if it's in remission). 3. Don't procreate in the process. 4. Don't run for the Presidency if you fail to comply with rules 1-3. 5. If all else fails and you're caught -- don't offer lame denials.

1. O.J. Simpson. Think about it -- you beat a double murder rap, what could happen in a bungled armed robbery? Another walk? Hardly. You just don't mess with karma. The downside is that the "real killer" can now play golf without looking over his shoulder.

Congratulations to all. Here's hoping that 2009 won't be as miserable.

Waiting for the Paint to Dry

While waiting for the paint to dry and to get on with today's business of living...

...I'm wondering what Chuck Hagel will be doing now that he's heading down the road to retirement. I'm sure he's upset that Team Obama hasn't come calling for a Cabinet gig. He certainly did his bit to lower W's stature as a media-friendly Republican. But then again, he was more of a hack than a visionary. Remember in late 2006 he called the Iraqi surge a "folly".

...I thought with the departure of Matt Millen as the GM of the Detroit Lions that accountability for success and failure in the world of football was restored. Then I note that Charlie Weis, the worst coach of the Fighting Irish since the early 1960s. He got by in his first two years due to the players recruited by his predecessor. Now it's all Charlie's team. Sadly, as mediocre as they are, they'll probably be in a pre-Christmas Bowl Game.

...I'm curious as to how Hillary's aides are chronicling her service to the Empire State. Good luck to the guy or gal who has to spin how HRC -- through no fault of her own -- failed to get those promised 200,000 jobs. (Extra credit to the aide who can spin away the loss of 34K jobs in upstate in New York on her watch.)

...Twenty years ago, the age of cable TV was heralded as a wonderful opportunity. What do we have to show for it now? Commentary posing as news; network programs repeated ad nauseum; and guys trying to kill themselves. Hell, they don't even show music videos anymore. It's a full speed race to the bottom. What went wrong?

...Did Elliot Spitzer, Roger Clemens, O.J. Simpson or John Edwards really enjoy Thanksgiving this year?

...The old cliche is that when someone says, it's not about the money, it's really all about the money. I kind of get the same sense when CNN blurbs a show as no bias and no bull. You know, it's all bias and all bull but they just won't admit to it?

...Metallica and Guns 'n' Roses release new albums and a Democrat is headed for the White House is this 1992 all over again?

UPDATE: Someone also has misgivings about what went wrong with cable.